Four years ago my entire world was shattered with the news that my father would take his last breath. Something so traumatic completely changes who you are and how you view the world. I was just shy of my 30’s and forced to continue experiencing life without my father. It has been four years of gut-wrenching pain and heartache; four years I would never want to experience again. But through this experience I have gained many hard lessons that I will carry with me for a lifetime.
Many adults that have recently lost their parent(s) will tell you they know what you are going through, when in all reality they don’t.
Nothing has made me cringe more than when a full grown adult tells me they completely understand what I’m going through, and that they’re there for me. Your parents were able to see you grow into an adult, watch you get married and see your kids grow into adults. My father will never be able to walk me down the isle if I chose to marry, nor will he ever see me graduate from college. Let alone, my father will never be present as my sons school functions and sporting events. So please don’t equate the situation, you have no idea what I’m going through. I’ve learned that they say this is to show sympathy, and that sympathy is great and all, but the statement carries so much ignorance. Which brings me to my next thought…
People that haven’t experienced this yet just don’t get it, and that’s not their fault by any means.
In the beginning, I spent months being bitter. People just don’t get it; the couldn’t emphasize or understand what I was going through, what I felt, what I needed — no mater how hard they tried. But then I realized it wasn’t their fault, and I should be happy. They don’t understand — no matter how hard it was for me to accept it I would never wish this experience on absolutely anyone.
Ironically, people really do use those cliché phrases…
It seems in these situations people tend to say “they’re in a better place”, “they’re watching over you”, etc., and let me tell you hearing this sucks. Please don’t tell me they are in a better place, because if they were in a better place they’d be here with me and my family. I don’t want you to tell me they’re watching over me, because it’s not the same as having them in front of me and hearing their laugh and voice. I know people mean well when they say these things, but it just hurts more.
I get super FRUSTRATED when people bicker about their parents to me, because at least they have them.
I would give anything to have my dad yelling at me or to sit in the same room as himself smoking his nasty cigarettes. I would do anything to have my dad give me a hard time again, or want to spend time with me instead of going out. When people complain about their parents, it makes me mad that they can’t appreciate the love and care that their parents have given them through the years. They aren’t appreciating the fact that they still have parents and have that bond with them. I would give anything to trade places with them, and therefore I can’t EVER sympathize for their complaints.